Mayonnaise and Strawberries Aren't Usually Mixed
by endless.nine
Summary: Gintoki and Hijikata have switched bodies. How will they get out of this situation? BL, Hijigin
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama, and if I was it would probably an yaoi one with Hijikata and Gintoki as the main pairing!~

**Mayonnaise and Strawberries Aren't Usually Mixed Together**

**Chapter 1**

"Oi, oi what are you doing here Mayora-san? Eating again rice topped with mayonnaise? You're wasting your pay check and your day off."

"Yorozuya! What are you doing here? What I do with my money is none of your business! And mayonnaise is one great food!"

"Yes yes, I really don't understand. Pops, give me the usual. This fellow over here pays."

"I'm not your wallet you idiot! Pay for your eating expenses! I don't want to use my money over dog food like that! Sweet beans over rice? That makes me sick!"

"What the hell is your problem? You have a nice pay check. And if we fight over who eats the real dog food, it is you!"

"What did you say? Mayonnaise is an almighty all purpose condiment that works well on anything!"

The shop owner butted to the two. "Sirs, you're bothering the other customers. Please quiet down!"

"If this is the case let's just settle this in a drinking contest." Gintoki suggested.

Hijikata responded. "Fine by me."

Hijikata and Gintoki went off to a random bar and started drinking.

"Heh… You're all words Yorozuya… hic… You can't handle… hic… alcohol… hic…"

"My name is… hic… Gintoki not Yorozuya… hic… Master give me some more."

"Customers, you seem to be drunk already. Please take some medicine. Here…"

"We are not drunk… hic…" Hijikata muttered.

"Please take some sirs. Our customer's welfare is also our responsibility."

"Okay." Hijikata and Gintoki muttered. They drink the medicine.

"What kind of medicine is this? I feel sleepy…" Gintoki started yawning and went to sleep."

"Me too…" Hijikata said.

xxxXoXxxx

The next morning…

"Ah, my head hurts… I shouldn't drink with Mayora-san anymore… What the hell?"

Gintoki just saw his body next to him, sleeping at the table. His faced turned into a pale color.

"Oi oi! Did something happened again? Wait, I have a real body, I'm wearing a blue yukata with a sword… hmmmmm… let's take a look at the mirror… Wow! I have a straight hair and its black! And my eyes are blue! I look like Hijikata. Did I get drunk so much? Wait! Gaaaaaah! I'm in his body!"

Gintoki went to wake up his body. "Oi my body! Wake up!"

"You're so loud!" Gintoki was pushed back.

"Who are you? Why are in your body?" Gintoki took a fighting stance.

"What are you saying? Your body? This is my bo-what the hell is this? Why I am wearing the white haired permed bastard clothes? And you-why do you look like me! Don't tell me you're my twin!"

Gintoki smacked him in the forehead.

"Calm down! You're Hijikata aren't you? Looks like we've switched bodies. Do you remember what happened last night?"

"No, I don't. Tsk… What the heck… Your body sucks." Hijikata said while lighting a cigarette.

"Oi stop smoking! You're damaging my body's health!"

"Tsk… I don't care! It is your body anyways!"

"You bastard!"

"But Yorozuya, I think we have a big problem that we have to face right now."

"What?"

"What's up with that question? How are we going to do about our jobs? Do you think someone will believe us? Hell no!"

"Ah, you're right. Hmmm… How about we pretend? You will act like me, and I will act like you. Just bear with it till we get back. I don't want this, but I think we have no choice right now."

"I get it. So how do I act like you anyway."

"Hmmmmmm… How do I describe my daily life? First, I read Shounen Jump, then watch tv, sleep, and eat if I don't have any work. Well, just go with the flow."

"You really don't have any work to do. It is so boring. When you act in my place, be sure to do all the paper works, patrol and discipline in the Shinsengumi! And never read Shounen Jump in the barracks! Don't ruin my reputation!"

"What kind of lifestyle is that? Ah, I want to get my body back…"

"I also want that! But we have no choice! And I smell something about our situation. We should think what happened last night."

"Then, let us ask who served the drinks yesterday. But I was drunk, I really can't remember who."

"Then I will ask the employees here."

"I will too."

After a while…

"Hijikata, they say none of them served us last night."

"Yeah, they also said that to me. Now, it is clear that he has something to deal with our situation. But for now, let us proceed with our plan. Let's meet up after a 3 days."

"Then, Hijikata er.. Gintoki.. see you then."

"Yeah. Yoro- er.. Hijikata-san."

**Author's Note:** So how was it? This is my second time I've written a fanfic. I really love reviews, so if you've read this one, tell me what you think. I plan to continue this one if I get some reviews. Thank you!

Special thanks to yukitomaso! I've started this ff because of you. I hope you'll read this one! I'll be awaiting your review and messages~


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama. It is written and illustrated by Hideaki Sorachi. If I was it would be a yaoi one with Hijikata and Gintoki as the main pairing. ^-^

A/N: A reminder to avoid confusion: in this chapter, Gintoki and Hijikata have switched bodies, so when those two are not alone, Hijikata will be referred to as Gintoki as well as Gintoki will be Hijikata.

**Chapter 2**

Loud footsteps are barging to the Yorozuya's place. It was Shinpachi.

"Gin-san! Its 11am now! Get up! Gin-san! Gin-san..? You're awake?"

"You're so loud Shinpachi! A normal citizen would have been awake early. Well, Kagura is an exception."

Shinpachi started crying.

"Oi, what's your problem?"

"Gin-san… *sneezes* did you hit a wall or something? You are now being a responsible citizen. This is not a dream right?"

_Does that Yorozuya bastard been so irresponsible? This is awkward, I'll better go to a job soon to find out how to get back to my body._

Gintoki smiled and asked Shinpachi. "Do we have a job today?"

Shinpachi wiped his tears away and responded. "Yes, we have-wait I'll tell the details later. I have to wake Kagura-san first."

xxxXoXxxx

Hijikata, being in Gintoki's body was hoping for a simple job. But little he did know that he was going to do a job in at this place.

"Shinapchi-kun? Are we really going to do a job here?"

"Are your ears and memory gone bad Gin-chan? Hahaha!" Kagura laughed at Gintoki. "You're even excited when we accepted this job."

"Kagura's right Gin-san. Why are you complaining?"

"But this is… the Shinsengumi's barracks!" _What the hell is that idiot Gintoki accepting a job here? And he's even excited! Is he really that eager to annoy me?_

Shinpachi was getting irritated with Gintoki's reluctance to do the job. "Stop complaining Gin-san! The request is to clean the barracks!"

As this moment, Kondou noticed their arrival and greeted them.

"Good thing you guys came. The barracks is so dirty right now and the cleaning staff can't handle it. And one more thing, Toshi's acting weird. It is not bad of a change, but he seems not normal. I wonder if he got possessed again."

This caught their attention. Gintoki started bugging Kondou questions. "What? What did Hijikata-san do? Oi!"

Shinpachi was wondering about Gintoki's reactions. "It's surprising that you question Kondou-san about that. But we have a cleaning duty to do."

"No, it's fine by me if you want to go see Toshi." Kondou responded. "I believe he is in a meeting right now, saying that he will revise the rules in the barracks. It was shocking for us since he's always sticking to it so much."

"Eh? What? He's going to do that?" Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura were surprised.

xxxXoXxxx

Hijikata was now having a meeting with his subordinates.

"Guys, I have just realized that the Shinsengumi's rules are too strict and we all need a breath of fresh air, and so I'll announce the change of rules."

Yamazaki raised his hand.

"What is it? Jimi-k-… I mean Yamazaki."

"This isn't like you Vice-Commander. Did you hit your head or something?"

A random book came flying to Yamazaki's forehead.

"No, I didn't hit my head. I just realized that the rules need to be revised. So the first rule that we should change is that 'Jump is not allowed to read in the barracks'. Everyone should read Jump! And drinking inside the-…"

A sudden voice interrupted the meeting.

"Shut up bastard!"

Everyone was surprised by the sudden arrival of Yorozuya's Gintoki. But Hijikata-san smiled.

"Oh, its Gintoki-kun. You came to see me.~"

"Oi come with me."

And they left the meeting room with everyone surprised. Kondou broke the silence. "I didn't know that they were good friends."

xxxXoXxxx

"You! What are you exactly doing? I reminded you to protect the discipline of the group! Why are you changing the rules to your own convenience? And you look like you're enjoying yourself!"

"Mayora-san, the rules that you mad are too rigid, and changing one or two shouldn't affect it. How can I live without Jump?"

"The hell do I care about you? Don't ruin my reputation."

"I could say the same as you! What are those cigarettes and mayonnaise that you have there? It is ruining my reputation as a healthy man!"

"Your reputation has nothing to lose about! Shinapachi was even crying earlier because of my actions. He thought you have now some responsibility now."

"He didn't saw your mayo and cigarettes! That's why he can say that! Just go to your work! You have to clean the barracks, right? As me in your position have many things to do."

"Hmph! Wait till I get my body back you bastard."

A familiar voice is calling out in the hallway. "Hijikata-san, where are you? Kondou-san is calling for you." It was Okita.

Hijikata responded. "I'm coming-" But he didn't know what coming to him.

BOOM!

"What the hell are you doing Okita-san? Why did you fire a bazooka?"

"Che—It missed."

_Oh, crap. I forgot that Okita has a grudge against Hijikata._

Gintoki was grinning at Hijikata. As if saying that _serves you right_."

Okita noticed Hijikata.

"Ah, Danna. I didn't notice you. Do you have a job here in the barracks?"

"Yes." It was awkward for Hijikata, who was Gintoki right now, to have a pleasant conversation with Okita. "Well, I'm off to clean the barracks."

**Authors note:** Yay! Chapter 2 completed. How was it? Please review! And to those who review my chapter 1, thanks a lot! I'm planning to end this by the next chapter. Hope you will stick to my story~


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gintama. It is written and illustrated by Hideaki Sorachi. If I was it would be a yaoi one with Hijikata and Gintoki as the main pairing. ^-^

**Chapter 3**

*Nightime*

At a certain bar at Kabuki-chou…

"Heh… I'm amazed that you found me here Hiji-… I mean Gintoki."

"Let us call each other by our own names. I don't want to be referred as you. Anyways, I felt that you are probably here." Hijikata muttered, irritated.

Gintoki snorted.

Hijikata continued the conversation. "Oi, what is the job that are you exactly doing?"

"It's Odd Jobs Mayora-san. We take any job and do it."

"Yeah, whatever. I couldn't stand living your life."

"I could say the same as you. Ugh… What are the Shinsengumi composed of? Gorillas, a companion that is trying to kill you behind your back, a badminton freak and others… but… it seems fun being with your comrades."

Hijikata looked puzzled. _What's up with that reaction, he hates it, but he enjoys it?_

"But we have no freedom from Amantos like you folks who always mess up things with them. It's kind of a good thing too." Hijikata blushed for a moment. _Wait, what did I just say?_

"Oi Mayora! Don't blush while having my face!"

"What? I'm not!"

Gintoki smiled. "It seems that I have something that you lack, and you have something that I lack. We're compatible, right?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Are you drunk? Like the hell I'm compatible with you! You're not my type!"

Gintoki laughed hard. "Hahahahahaha! I didn't mean it romantically. You're such a perv."

"Oi! Stop laughing! You-"

Hijikata caught up with the figure of a familiar man. The bartender which gave them the medicine.

"Oi Yorozuya, I think it's that bartender! He just entered the shop dressed like a regular customer!"

"Finally! Let's approach him!"

Hijikata and Gintoki then approached the said man. He noticed them immediately and left the shop.

"Oi wait up!" said Hijikata and Gintoki in unison.

The said bartender was overrun by them. They immediately started questioning him.

"Oi, will you explain what you did?"Hijikata grabbed him by his collar.

The man knew that he was going to be beaten up either way, so he decided to talk. "I'm sorry, I'm just a researcher testing for a new product."

Gintoki got pissed and retorted. "What do you think of us? Guinea pigs?"

The man nervously answered. "I'm really really sorry! You will be back to normal tomorrow."

"Hmmm… Really?"

"Yes! I'm not joking!"

"Fine then." Hijikata muttered. "We'll detain you for now. Let's go to the barracks Gintoki. We'll take him into custody."

"Sure thing."

xxxXoXxxx

Kondou noticed Hijikata and Gintoki's arrival in the barracks and greeted them immediately. "Toshi! You're finally here! Ah! Yorozuya's danna! What business do you have here? and… who's that?..."

"Ah, this is just an offender. We have to take him custody for tonight. We need the Yorozuya as a witness."

"Well, if you said so."

xxxXoXxxx

"I hope what he said is true. I miss reading my Jump."

"I also want to get back to my lifestyle!"

"Ne, Hijikata, do you hate me?" Gintoki mutterered in a low voice.

"Why do you ask that?"

"You always look at me with those glaring eyes of yours."

"I won't say I hate you, but I don't like you either. You're annoying. You always pop out of nowhere."

"But I came from nowhere."

"What are you talking about? But you are sketchy. Who are you really?"

"What you're interested? Looks like I have charmed you."

"Huh? Like you have charm!"

"Ah! Hijikata-kun is so noisy! I can't sleep!"

"Ugh! Damn you! I hope morning comes soon so I can say goodbye to your body!"

xxxXoXxxx

Chirp… Chirp…

Hijikata woke up with a headache. "Uh, my head hurts… Ah! It looks like I'm in my own body! Oi Yorozuya-!"

_He's not here…_

Hijikata walked outside the room and reached the garden. He was surprised when he saw a familiar face.

"Oh, you're up Mayora-san. I've let go of that bartender or researcher or what not since we got our bodies back. So, I'm going now."

"Oi, wait-"

"By the way, I made purchases of strawberry milk in your name. Be sure to pay them. Bye!"

"Oi, what were you doing using my name!"

Hijikata ran aftee Gintoki but he was caught up by Kondou.

"Oh, Toshi! You're up now. Good morning."

"Ah, good morning Kondou-san. I'll change my clothes a bit and patrol at Kabuki-chou later."

"There's no need no rush. Why?"

"I'm going to catch someone." Hijikata smiled.

Kondou was puzzled. _What could he mean by that?_

xxxXoXxxx

Again, Shinpachi's loud voice is heard at the Yorozuya's residence.

"Oi Gin-san! Where did you go last night?"

"Don't act like my mother Shinpachi. It doesn't matter where I go!"

"But we were worried!... especially Kagura."

Gintoki couldn't retort to Shinpachi so he opted for an evasive answer. "Ah, sorry sorry. I'm going out for a bit. It's too stuffy in here."

As Gintoki started walking, he saw a black haired Shinsengumi across the street. It was Hijikata. Having realized that he was not yet seen by him, he sneaked to his back and whispered in his ear. "Mayora-san? What are you doing here? Do you came to see me?"

Hijikata was startled. "I don't need to see you bastard! I'm just patrolling!"

He walked back to avoid Gintoki.

"Heh.." Gintoki smiled. "He's so stubborn. But I guess I am too."

When Hijikata realized that he was far away from Gintoki, he muttered. "He's so full of himself. Hmph."

~Owari~

**Author's note: **As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. I love them! So if you enjoyed or have seen any errors, please go ahead! Alerts and favorites are fine too, but if you may, please review.

I would like to give my thanks to those who have read, reviewed, alerted and have added my story to their favorites, thank you very much. I have also another story beside this one and it's already been completed. If you have time, please drop by and read it! Again, thanks a lot!

P.S. I'm sorry if I got this chapter really late. I'm quite busy with my hobbies but I managed to finish this one before the opening classes in my university. ^-^


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